so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Randomize
