How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
