Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
