I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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