You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
