I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
