this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
He kissed a someone with a penis
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
