I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize