And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
