but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Randomize