Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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