conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
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