I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Randomize
