At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
zippers are such a cool invention
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
