You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Randomize
