My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
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