He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
