K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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