I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
