She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
