My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Randomize
