He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
