Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
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