i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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