I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
