All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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