and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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