just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
