apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
