I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
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