Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
