Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize