I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
You are a genius and a whore.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
