Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Randomize
