end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
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