What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
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