So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
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