Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
