Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
