I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
