where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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