I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
