She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
