There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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