Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
