wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
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