It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
