Princesses don't give blow jobs
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
