I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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