that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
