mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
