How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
