I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
