That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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