Pants 0. Shit 1.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Randomize
