She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
