I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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