Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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