I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Randomize
