Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
