Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
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