my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
In America we eat man semen.
Is it because I queefed?
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Randomize
