He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
