I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
