Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Randomize
