i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Randomize
