I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize