If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize