You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
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