Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize