So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
my being single is dangerous.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize