What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
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