i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
